Chitchat

Thanks Lau! The lab bill came today - $1,400.00

firecracker wrote:

Thanks Lau! The lab bill came today - $1,400.00

SAY WHAT!!!! ??? We need National Health care in this country or a better way to regulate. YIKES!!

Fc, did your insurance cover any of the labwork?

Did it all come back "normal"?

A copy of the bill has been sent to our insurance company. We do not have to pay anything at this point. We just have to wait and see what is left after the insurance payment.

All test have been normal. So I will call the doctor next week and ask if we should just wait and see how it goes since he seems a little better.

Aerwin I think the lab bill was so high because they took 6 vials of blood and ran six tests. Still, it seems outrageous to be so much for just lab work.

That is outrageous. But all medical costs are. You know going through all this lately I started thinking back when I was kid back in 1800's you would go to the Dr and they would give you medicine first see how that worked then go from there. Now when you go it is always , test, tests, tests. Is this because of malpratice or what? What do y'all think? Like maybe with your son they could have suggested rest first or something , then run tests.

Well, the problem was Eric couldn't rest. He couldn't sleep. So that is why we went to the doctor and he sent us to the neurologist. Eric didn't sleep at all for 3 days straight. So telling him to get rest would have just seemed like a joke. I am fine that they ran a lot of blood tests to rule things out. I just think the cost is so much just for labs. That is the same cost of Eric's surgery tomorrow.

If you were a kid back in the 1800's then I must have been one in the 1700's

Yeah, I just had to have some heart tests and even with insurance it's a whole lotta money. My dad will help with it, but DAMN!

Aerwin, sounds like your doctor needs some work on his bedside manner! WTF? I'm sorry to hear that. Try to keep yourself around positive people and if others want to talk about it and dwell on it, tell them to shut up!

I'm sure you're fine. I've had walking pneumonia and other assorted crap before and I've been OK. He's probably just taking every precaution.

Hope all is OK with your ticker GE!

Well I am going on another round of antibotics . So I hope this clears the sweeling up for good. We have narrowed it down to maybe lyme disease or lupus. SO if I'm not better in a week I will do bloodwork for that. Phew.

Sending lots of good vibes your way!!!

One of the tests Eric just had done was to see if he had Lupus. When I got home I read all about Lupus and usually there is a very distinctive rash that accompanies Lupus. Do you have any type of rash?

If it is Lyme I think that is very treatable. There is much successful treatment with Lupus too. Do not worry too much about those two.

Yes I intially had a rash all over my face and neck. Either one is treatable.I am outside so much it would not surprise If I had a tick bite but I don't remember having one this year though. Last Summer I did. So I don't know. And I think asthma and lupus are both immune disorders.

I know Lupus is. I think if the rash went away already without special meds than there may be a good chance it isn't Lupus. There is no cure for it, but there are a lot of good meds and things to do to keep it under control.

I don't know too much about Lyme except that it comes from a deer tick.

Here is wishing us all intense health. I swear, being human is so trying.

Being a middle aged and older woman is most trying. All sorts of stuff starts to accumulate.

It is weird, but all of a sudden I have become alarmed about bad things that happened to me at the hands of ex-hub, in particular. I met him in 1970. I lived with him until 1984. I was co-dependently insanely attached to him, and him to me, even after we took a break on living together from 1984-1989, whereupon we got divorced, and my pap tests have indicated problems since 4 years before we split up.

The man fucked me up emotionally and physically.. I have done a great deal of work to get unfucked, and have spent the last 10 or so years thinking I was free of the past regarding him.

But for reasons not known to my conscious mind, this week his assaults on my wellbeing as a human spirit all of a sudden came crashing back into my consciousness, and I am in a state of confusion and anger.

I really am not sure what triggered it to begin with, but it was a news article about Sylvia Krystel, a soft-porn actress in the 70-80s having gotten HPV induced throat cancer that made my rage get consciously engaged. Ex-hub cheated on me with her.

HPV is the virus that is getting all sorts of TV commercial recognition right now. The virus, in particular forms, causes cervical cancer among other things.

HPV is unknown enough that even GYN doctors do not know just how to interpret test results.

MY HPV results always come back suspicious, though none of the doctors know quite what to do about it, since I do not seemingly have genital warts or obvious cancer. But I do have evidence of HPV, and it alarms both them and me.


So I sent ex-hub (who seemingly wishes I would simply cease to have ever existed, since he is now trying to be a good guy, and I actually believe that) an e-mail with the results of recent HPV test, and links to news about Silvia.

I asked him please to talk to me, or at least answer some non-emotional questions about timelines and people he cheated with, so I could better attend to my health issues.

He wrote me back this:

Quote :

Sorry, i am on vacation with limited email access, but more importantly my primary focus is the next 20 years. I really cannot answer your questions.

... ... I am now in a state of insane helpless/hopeless rage.

So my question to you, fellow women, is, how to get myself calmed down, find health, get un-enraged, even knowing this motherfucker will not answer any questions about history.

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... ... I am now in a state of insane helpless/hopeless rage.

So my question to you, fellow women, is, how to get myself calmed down, find health, get un-enraged, even knowing this motherfucker will not answer any questions about history.

Oh my laydee, I feel your pain. What a fucker and how unfortunate. You have every reason to be angry, but the thing is, deep down I am sure you knew he would give you that exact response. So now that you have it, you can move on from anger to resolve.

Most of us made some very poor choices as far as sex partners who were single and sexually active in the 70-80's and have the scars and baggage to prove it. You are not alone.

Knowledge is power, don't forget that. You are doing all you can do by getting regular check-ups and staying up on the issues associated with HPV.

Thanks, Luca!

I did know the mofo would reply badly, as you say.

SO the real deal is how to viscerally, not intellectually, get over hating someone (it is so weird how I did not start hating him until very recently, so many years after being involved with him).

I am really feeling toxic anger in my body.

I have been googling like mad, as well as writing angry letters I will not send, as well as briskly waking around the block with the express intent of lessening the bad angry chemicals in my body).

Not working. I actually do want to know how others, step by step, have cured such angry feelings, when the anger is about legit but unactionable things.

The anger feels so poisonous, but the subject is not one to just erase and feel better about.

Frazz, I have often gone to people when I feel enraged about someone and asked them not to commisserate with me, but to calm my spirit. I will try to do the same for you now.

First, and I'm sure you know this, resenting someone and hating on them is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

We are not in control about how someone else feels about what they have done. We can only do something about the way we feel. If you feel anger, hurt and resentment, you're doing even more damage to your body and you really don't need that man to take up space in your mind and body. It's toxic to you.

However you can do it, cleanse your mind and body of him and be free. Right now he is imprisoning you in a web of anger that only hurts you. Let the universe take care of him and start taking care of yourself. Be around people places and things that make you feel good.

Right now it's so imperative that if you can't get yourself to a peaceful place that you find someone who can help you.

I am speaking from experience. I carried around years and years of anger and resentment towards my dad and with the help of friends, just let it all out one night. I mean REALLY let it all out. I didn't care who heard. The sounds that emanated from me...I can't tell you. Then...it was gone. Just like that. A lifetime of anger and resentment just gone and it hasn't come back.

So, I hope my experience has helped you. I certainly need to say these words to myself right now. So, thank you for reminding me to take care of myself. I hope you find your peace.

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However you can do it, cleanse your mind and body of him and be free. Right now he is imprisoning you in a web of anger that only hurts you. Let the universe take care of him and start taking care of yourself. Be around people places and things that make you feel good.

Right now it's so imperative that if you can't get yourself to a peaceful place that you find someone who can help you.

I am speaking from experience. I carried around years and years of anger and resentment towards my dad and with the help of friends, just let it all out one night. I mean REALLY let it all out. I didn't care who heard. The sounds that emanated from me...I can't tell you. Then...it was gone. Just like that. A lifetime of anger and resentment just gone and it hasn't come back.

Yep, that is exactly what I am talking about..how to do that; how to get the poisons out.

WHo did you talk to?

Where did you find them?

What were the kinds of words you had to say that worked to rid you of the poisons?

I don't know how much detail I can go into on a public message board, but I'll do my best.

The 12 steps (no, I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict - the steps can be applied to anyone suffering from anger and resentment). I know people who have gone back to the basics for the 12 steps and not the watered down version they have now. They have the writings of the founders of AA.

What helped me? Hearing someone else's story, oddly enough. A similar experience. Sometimes it takes watching someone else go through the same thing to see it objectively and really truly understand the heart of what's bothering you.

Also? Sharing your deepest darkest most horrifying secrets with someone you trust totally. That is imperative.

Excellent advice GE! It is the hardest step to let go of it and move from the place you are at right now Frazz...

It is a process, and you are on the right track because you recognise you cannot stay in the state of mind you are in now without damaging yourself.

Bottom line is you actually did accomplish some releasing of the negative energy by letting your ex know what you are dealing with, whether he chooses not to go there at this time or not.

You need to do an activity or talk to a person that makes you feel peaceful that you can trust with this, and that will help bring you down from the adrenaline rush of anger you are on now.

Quote :

GE: someone you trust totally
LUCA: You need to do an activity or talk to a person that makes you feel peaceful that you can trust with this, and that will help bring you down from the adrenaline rush of anger you are on now.

Aye, there is the rub. My people in that category, not a lot to begin with, are now dead. For real.

I used to go to various 12 step meeting. Adult Children of Alcoholics was the most appropriate one, and I am in need of a similar thing now.

Meetings would be appropriate.

People Who are Consumed by Hatred for a Long-Ago Ex Anonymous would be very right.

Any ideas which 12 step meeting would be most akin?

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It is a process, and you are on the right track because you recognise you cannot stay in the state of mind you are in now without damaging yourself.

You tellin the turth, sista!

Wow Frazz. You need a sponsor who won't tell you that going through the steps in 5 years is just fine. You need someone to put you through your paces who you respect. Someone who can handle you and get you on the right track. Someone hard core.

I would suggest going to an Anonymous meeting in your area and listening to people. Perhaps one will emerge as someone who can do those things for you.

I will also talk to my friend who knows more about this stuff than I do. As Luca said, that you are ready to let go of the anger and resentment is a wonderful first step. Some people hold onto those things like prized possessions until it kills them. Pride kills a lot of people.

I am absolutely wiling to go to a meeting.

Any ideas of what sort (which branch) would have wise people who have been through past abusive relationships that were not substance-abuse related?

I tried Al-Anon, too, but it was all focused on being in a current relationship with a cuttent alcoholic.

Frazz, so sorry you are dealing with all of this

I have no great words of wisdom for you. I will let you know that my ex-hubby cheated on me also. I got HPV from him. I had no symptoms, just the abnormal cells found through my paps. It is pretty easily treatable when caught early. I had the burning and freezing procedures done first. The abnormal cells did keep returning so I had outpatient laser treatment and that worked great. No abnormal cells since that treatment. I am sure something like that can be done for you and all will be well! None of the procedures were too uncomfortable or required much down time. So you should try not to worry about any of that.

I had a lot of bitterness toward ex-hubby too. For lots of reasons. I was quite young though when it all happened and for me I just decided to learn from the experience. Be stronger. Make sure I only dated, and eventually marry, a really good man who would treat me well and we would have a good life together. My dreams came true, so I look back on that time as just a difficult time that I was meant to go through and learn to be a better person and learn what is really important for a good and happy life. Like my life was a book with chapters and that time was just the bad chapter.

I do realize it has been easier for me because I did end up finding my perfect life partner and I have my amazing kids and home and I honestly feel I would not have been in the right place at the right time to meet Rob had I not gone through all I went through with my ex. So that all helps. That plus the fact that ex-hubby went completely bald!! Current hubby has beautiful head of salt and pepper hair!

I hope that you can find the perfect group to help you through this. If not, you can always talk to us anytime! Sometimes just typing it all out really helps!