Personal Struggles--hard times, advice, progress

I want us to have a place to talk about the hard times, maybe get advice or just comfort, so, I am starting this thread.

SO I am copying FC's info about her dad in here:

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Hi ladies ! Just checking in on a break from the hospital. I came home to cook dinner and I will be leaving in about an hour to go back. When I got to my folks house may dad was really bad. Couldn't walk, we could hardly get him to the car. Not really able to speak. Shaking. Not good. My folks are only 15 mins to a really good hospital. Del Nor. Last year it was rated #5 in the country. It is our hospital too, put takes us a little longer to get there. I live 15 mins. from my folks. Anyway, all we know right now is that he has a very bad infection going thru his system. They pumped in the strongest anti-biotic. I never even heard of it before. He is completely out of it - sleeping. They were moving him to a regular room and said he would be out for awhile, so I came home to cook dinner and freshen up a little and grab a bite. I am hopfully that since he is not in intensive care right now that that is a good sign. The bad thing is they removed all the wrapping from his toes (the ones they think he will lose) and I am telling you all but his baby toe looks like they went thru a meat grinder. All broken open, bloody and deformed looking. I am now convienced that the toes will go and maybe the foot. I don't know yet if the infection is from the toes or something different. I hope to know more when I return from tonight's visit. I do know he will be in the hospital for awhile - that they did tell us. I know losing the foot, or even just the toes, will be rough, but I will be relieved if they can clear the infection and he gets more back to himself. Trust me, when I got him into the ER he really looked like this was the beginning of the end. I am staying positive for now. Hubby says "regular room = good sign". I am hanging onto that thought right now.

As for AI, can you believe all the stink about Simon and rolling his eyes?! I wonder who goes tonight? I hope we can catch it on the TV in dad's room. As always, thanks for your good thoughts and ears and shoulders! Love ya~

(Sky, my dad is a diabetic and hurt his toes a several months ago. They cannot get them to heal because he has very poor circulation in that leg. He also has the diabetic ulcers on his feet. The wound center has been doing everything they can, but nothing will heal which is why he may be losing the toes)
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A few hours later.


Spent 3 hours with my dad. He ate a lot of his dinner and was speaking much better and staying awake. Friends/neighbors came to visit so mom and I left. His primary doc is suppose to see him some time tonight. I was upset that they did not have his open wounds wrapped and I made the nurse wrap his foot, at least until a doctor saw him. They are still pumping meds into his veins.

It happens to everybody, eventually, that their parents, or whoever brought them up, start to decline.It is hard to deal with, I think, no matter what sort of relationship you had with them.

My family was nuts, from top to bottom, but that did not diminish the pain I felt as they got old, died suddenly (dad) or went into several years-long Alzheimers (mom).

I still think about them often, with sad affection, usually.

Thanks Frazz

Well, we went to see my dad tonight. He was really out of it. He could hardly stay awake. He said it was the worst day of his life. So many tests. He was put thru a bone scan machine 3 times. He wanted us to go after two hours. He just wanted to sleep.

All we know right now is that he has a staff infection, a urinary tract infection, a kidney infection and black toes. The bone scan was to see if the staff infection has gone into the bones. It was such a disappointment after seeing him perk up last night.

I am going to do some reading about staff infections tonight before I go to bed.

I cannot believe how fast the toes have gone so bad. One is so black it looks like it was charded in a fire. The one next to it is on it's way to looking just as bad. The third one is not black but doesn't even look like a toe anymore. You can't even tell there was ever a nail. I'm not a doc but I think all 3 will go.

I am very concerned about staff. I know I have heard bad things about it. I am PISSED because he went to two doctors Monday. The doc at the wound care center and his primary. Neither checked him for infection even though he was shaking, weak, could hardly walk or eat. He was going around with staff two extra days. I am calling his primary in the morning and talking to him.

I am pushing back my son's graduation party until the end of June instead of the first weekend of June. I am hoping the extra time might give my dad a chance at being there. I don't think he will make it to the ceremony on May 27th. That saddens me because my dad is very close to the boys and I know he was looking forward to watching Eric graduate. Of course we will take videos to show him. I don't think my MIL will be able to go either. She can't go up and down stairs.

I won't be around much tomorrow. I have no kids in the morning. I am calling the doctor at 9:00 when his office opens. Then I will head to the hospital, be back for after schoolers then go back to the hospital after the afterschoolers get picked up. Sounds fun no?? I never dreamed last Friday what this Friday would be like!

What a sucky week. The VT shootings, my dad and Sanjaya leaves AI!!

ETA: Once again, so sorry about the loss of your folks. Both ways are so tough - sudden and unexpected, and watching your mom slowly slip away. I bet they all were a fun nuts!

FC, so sorry to hear what you, dad and family are going through.

Why they didn't check him for an infection, given the symptoms is baffling.

People GET staf infections in medical centers and hospitals, so that should always be high on the list of what to check for when there are open wounds, from what I understand.

Good for dad, though, to have such a good, smart and adult daughter.

Best wishes on tomorrows quest.

***

Nuts family did give me permanent material for comic depictions of family life.

Now I just have to get myself back in the swing of writing stuff. (this is helping!)

Oh, Firecracker, I'm just so, so sorry to hear about how badly this is all going for your dad. My parents are both healthy - I must be grateful for what I have and pray for you and your dad.

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What a sucky week. The VT shootings, my dad and Sanjaya leaves AI!!

Oh, I guess I'm not the only one who is very mildy bummed about Sanjaya. I think I'm just sad that such a neat, neat kid can't sing better.

Other sobering news. More deaths in Bagdad - over 200 in the past day. We have lost this war.

Why the hell can't we vote off the dipshit who got us into this mess?

I created a new thread called "Politics". If it turns out to be the same as "in the news" we can consolidate.

FC, I'm so sorry. With my mom seeing as many doctors as she does, one thing we've learned is that they think you're an idiot and they know everything. Also? They've got no time for you. My mom has had to talk to these doctors like they're little boys and make them actually wait a second and listen to what she's saying. It's ridiculous! They just want to get in and out as quickly as possible and making them see you as a person is a mighty struggle.

Good morning ladies. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I did not get much sleep after reading all about Staph (I learned the proper spelling) infections. You are right Frazz - it is common for people with open wounds going to clinics and hospitals to get it. Sadly, it is very bad because then it gets into the bloodstream and attacks your bones, brain, heart and kidneys. It can cause death. It is worse for people who are elderly (dad is almost 79) and with weakened immune systems and chronic problems such as diabetis and heart problems. Dad has both. Also Staph is the "superbug" that has become so resistant to antibiotics. I am so very worried. What if he dies because nobody caught this soon enough? What if Monday one of the docs had put him in the hospital? Would that have made a huge difference? I feel his docs really let him down. His primary is our primary. How do I handle this if I find out these two extra days without treatment have caused perminant damage?

Yes Abrahammy, be ever so grateful that your folks are so healthy!

I was sorta kidding about Sanjaya adding to the sucky week. Though I did feel really bad for the kid as he was standing there wiping tears. As much as I know he needed to be the one to go before the ones left, his leaving does take some of the fun out of the show since this season is the second worse (in my book). No season was as bad as the third

I hope you all have a beautiful day and a wonderful start to the weekend! We do have a gorgeous weekend predicted. 70's and sunny! YAY for getting to grill outside!

If you think the doctor was negligent you talk to a lawyer. Start asking people you know locally if they know of one that will give you a free consultation.

Well Frazz, that was my fear last night and this morning. It has been a long day. When mom and I were at the hospital we met with an infectious disease specialist. He assured us that the Staph infection was strictly in the foot and caused by the diabetis. There is no blood going to the left foot. It is cold and all going black. Gangrene has set in. The strongest antibiotic is being pumped into him. He told us he was sure the whole foot would have to be removed, but that the orthopedic surgeon would make that decision. He did tell us not to hold out much hope for the foot.

Dad seemed more alert and able to sit up and talk more today. Still not much appetite, but I felt much better seeing him today than last night. I was just so relieved to be assured that the infection had not gone through out his body.

Than the Ortho Surgeon met with us. His name is Eric (like my oldest) and the last name is almost just like ours! We met his assistant also. They seemed wonderful and caring. They did tell my mom and me in the hall away from my dad that there is a good chance they will take a good portion of his leg also. They hope to stay below the knee, but it is possible it will be above. The circulation is so bad they feel they need to take off all that is not getting enough blood or there will be problems healing and possibly more infection which would just mean more surgery. If they go up to where there is good blood flow there is a greater chance of good healing.

Then a social worker met with all of us and said when dad gets out of the hospital (probably a week after surgery if all goes well) that he should be in a nursing facility for about 6 to 8 weeks because he will need IV antibiotics and that will need to be done about 3 times a day. Medicare will not pay if we tried to do this at home. It is too risky. Plus there will be special care needed for the stump. The only other option is taking him back and forth to the hospital 3 times a day for those 6 to 8 weeks. I just don't see how we could do that. Mom doesn't drive and I have the daycare kids. My boys will be in school most of the 6 to 8 weeks. Of course my dad is already upset about staying in the nursing facility.

Then a prist came to talk to us. I know he was trying really hard to make us feel better. It didn't work for me. I didn't want to hear how god has his reason for this to be happening and god will tell us when we die and we will go "Oh, I understand now". I know that is his job, but I am not having it right now. We all prayed and he gave my dad communion.

Then we left. I cried on the drive home but pulled myself together to tell my boys.

The surgery should be Tues. so I won't see you guys much that day. I hope he is strong enough to pull thru all of this.

So, some good news and some pretty bad news. I am just so glad about the Staph being contained. When a person has diabetis for so long and you learn so much about the disease you do know the day may come when they will lose limbs. You hope it doesn't happen, but you know it very well could.

Thanks again for listening Anyone who has any positive stories about people who have had this sort of surgery I would love to hear them!

FC, thanks for the update. I am glad to hear the infection is contained, but very sorry to hear what he will need to go through for the foot.

I am also sorry that the priest was being an idiot.

I have no experience with diabetes, but will look around the web for some links.

Here is one:
Before Your Amputation: Questions to Ask Your Surgeon

While it is probably too late for laser treatment this time, this might be helpful in the future:

Laser Prevents Diabetes Amputation
New Technique May Help Restore Circulation in Diabetes Patients

Thanks for the links Frazz!*smooches* I will read it all after my shower.

Thanks for understanding about the priest. What I really wanted to say is I wanted to smack him upside the head, but I didn't know if others would be offended. I just didn't need to hear all that "god has good reasons for what he does" etc. When we talked to him about my dad's brother being killed by a drunk driver after attending mass he said "What a perfect time to die - right after mass!" Well, he was a happy, healthy man on his way to pick up his daughter's birthday cake. I didn't really see it as a perfect time to be crushed to death. Milage must vary on those sort of things. I do pray a lot in hopes it does some good, but I have trouble with "god does things for a reason". I'm trying to figure out the VT reason. Somehow I don't think when I die and god tells me I will say "Oh, I get it!".

Well, the man was about to celebrate his first ann. of being ordained. Maybe he just doesn't quite have the hang of it yet.

Wow. FC. Thanks for the updates! Sounds like you're doing everything you can.

FC, I am so sorry to hear that your Dad will most likely lose his leg below the knee. He will probably be in the hospital 1-2 weeks depending how it goes. I think it will be imperative to have him in a skilled nursing facility to ensure he heals properly and gets over the infection. He will also need occupational and physical therapy to learn to use a wheel chair and other adaptive equipment to maintain his independance.

Also too bad you got a weird, not very comforting Priest. I know there are some good ones out there, but I have'nt met very many of them. I know you all will find support and comfort in each other and your own faith.

Hang in there lady, you are going to have some challenging months ahead (to say the least!) it sounds like.

Thansk for the update f/c. It's hard stuff to go thru right now, but I know you can get thru it with each others' help. "hugs"

I'll be thinking about you, Firecracker. I'm so sorry about your dad.

Thanks ladies.

I don't want to give the wrong impression that I don't respect most priests and the good that they can do. I just had a problem with this one. He was so jolly and happy and "Oh praise the lord" isn't everything wonderful with this big smile on his face. It just didn't go with JUST having been told what we are facing. An arm around the shoulder and we'll pray sort of thing would have worked better.

Luca, can you believe that my mom just talked to my dad's primary doctor and he thinks we should bring dad home instead of the nursing facility?! He doesn't like them. He makes me so upset sometimes. Get this, he said to my mom "Don't think that far ahead. He might not make it off the table." What an ass!!!! Yes we know this, but talk about no "bedside manner". I think I will be finding a new family doctor. Yes, he was tired and was going back on rounds after only two hours sleep, but geez! He has a reputation as an excellent doctor. He is hugely popular out here where we live, but this is not the first time I have not liked the way he says things. I don't know what to make of that sort of thing.

Well, that's just an awful thing to say. He's just so matter-of-fact. Just because he deals with this kind of thing maybe daily, doesn't mean you do.

When we got to the ER after my dad had his heart attack/stroke (we don't know which), we were in the waiting room for a couple of minutes when a male nurse came up to his and told us that he had died. No prep at all.

Oh Austin, I am so sorry. Both for the loss of your dad and the way you were told. I can't believe you were told by a nurse instead of a doc. I always thought the doctor in charge of the case told the family.

fc, I'm so sorry that you and your family are having to deal with doctors and priests who don't relate well to those who they are supposed to provide counsel. They, of all people, should understand the need for compassion.

My grandmother was also diabetic and eventually it resulted in poor circulation to her legs. What you describe about your father's foot is exactly how it progressed with her. The doctors advised my mother and aunts that there was a strong possiblity that the amputation could be anywhere above the knee for the same reason as your father's surgeon gave you. The surgery was successful and my grandmother, who was about 75 at the time of the surgery, lived for another 14 years. Age and other health issues took her life.

I hope your father is able to stay in a recovery facility as long as he needs to for the occupational and physical therapy as well as the medical attention. Having the assistance available for mobility and with personal hygiene matters are major issues.

I will be thinking about you and your father. And don't forget to take care of yourself!!

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Luca, can you believe that my mom just talked to my dad's primary doctor and he thinks we should bring dad home instead of the nursing facility?! He doesn't like them. He makes me so upset sometimes. Get this, he said to my mom "Don't think that far ahead. He might not make it off the table." What an ass!!!! Yes we know this, but talk about no "bedside manner". I think I will be finding a new family doctor. Yes, he was tired and was going back on rounds after only two hours sleep, but geez! He has a reputation as an excellent doctor. He is hugely popular out here where we live, but this is not the first time I have not liked the way he says things. I don't know what to make of that sort of thing.

I can believe it, but am also dumbfounded by his lack of sensitivity and unrealistic attitude that you and your family would be able to properly care for your Dad at home. Now if you can afford round the clock nursing or at least 8 hours per day nursing care that is great, but that will run into a small fortune in no time. Sometimes you really don't know what kind of doctor you have until the issue gets really serious. Then you find out what the person is really made of. I think I would be getting another doctor after your Dad makes it through his surgery.

There's a freakin' difference between "preparing someone for the worst" and being a total jack-ass with absolutely no feelings for anyone! I think you should take out a billboard next to his office with that sentence and give him full credit!

ASS!

Well, I just got home about an hour ago. I had dinner with my guys. I told my mom I am very upset about what this doctor said today. She started to defend him and told her "don't even go there". My dad likes him very much. They are both southside Chicago. They have a very "tell it like it is" attitude. I don't very much care for it though. I think it could have been stated different. A simple "let's take things one step at a time" would suffice.

When we got to the hospital today we walked into the room and there were four nurses in the room helping my dad. He has not been eating properly because he has no appetite. He got up to go to the bathroom and his blood sugar was so low he just went out. They had just got him off the floor and were putting glucose straight into his vein. He was lucid again in about a minute. He didn't touch one bite of his lunch. He said he was saving the food for my mom. The nurse said he wouldn't eat breakfast so they literally put graham crackers in his mouth and forced him to eat them so they could give him his insulin. Needless to say I had a long talk with him about eating. My mom feed him his lunch. I took him all his bills and we went over everything. I wrote all the checks and got everything in the mail. This gives him peace of mind about that before the surgery. Luckily my name is on the checks also because he couldn't write his name. Poor guy. I feel so bad for him. He said he is so nervous. Way more than he was about his two heart surgeries. I have to admit I am too.

Janice, thanks for telling me about your grandmother. I love the encouraging stories!

FCThat dr. sounds like a wanker. I lterally got into knock down drag outs over my Dad with his Dr. it made me furious. I would let him have it if I were you.
My dad lived several years after his first stroke. The Dr. told us he would never walk again. But he did. They are not god. Just remember that. I am thinking of you and your Dad during this rough time.